That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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