I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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