i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
