i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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