It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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