I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize