I'm gonna have a badass scar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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