Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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