he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
