Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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