I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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