you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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