Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
