9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
