so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize