apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Alive.
So much puke
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
