the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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