you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I checked into jail on foursquare
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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