I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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