Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
