it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
