4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
