is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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