I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
