there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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