True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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