I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
