She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
