Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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