Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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