apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
