I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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