just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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