That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
