We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
