Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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