Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
