My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I want is dick and wine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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