im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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