How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
