I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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