Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
