OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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