Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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