Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
