Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
