New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
