You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
