No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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