Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
