If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
