i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
