i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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