I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dear god my vagina.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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