Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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