he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
