I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
