i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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