twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize