the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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