Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
