Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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