My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
