turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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