You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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