just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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