OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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