Can Purell be used as lube?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
